Con Air

I must subconsciously be trying to knock all these "guy movies" out of the way...RED, Transformers, now Con Air?  The only Con Air I have real feelings for is my hair dryer.

I saw Con Air years and years ago purely because of Malkovich.  It wasn't my kind of film then and probably still isn't, but you know what?  I'm dedicated to my project!

Ok, starting it...now...

OH NO not the 90's anthem..."how do I liiiiive without you?"  ... how did I live through the popularity of that terrible song?

Why is Nick Cage talking like Colonel Sanders?   My favorite Nicolas Cage movie is the one where he's the suicidal alcoholic in Las Vegas.   I couldn't watch some of the scenes because I hate vodka and I could almost smell it through the tv.   Ughh.

Back to the movie.  He is a soldier who just came home and he and his pregnant wife are apparently celebrating his return in some dive bar.   A guy comes up and bothers them, but Nick Cage ignores him.  Then they go to leave.  It is raining.  Is it monsoon season where ever this is set?  That is like no rain I have ever witnessed.  And now a gang of white guys want to beat up Nick Cage.  This will not end nicely.  And...it doesn't.  One guy pulls a knife and Nick Cage shoots him, as you do.  The guy is dead.  Nick Cage pleads guilty and gets 7-10 years because apparently his hands are deadly weapons and he should have used those instead of a firearm.

He's in prison now.  Writing sappy letters.  Gettin' buff.  No big deal.  His wife sent him a care package that included "Cooler Ranch Doritos".   I loved those chips.

He corresponds with his little girl from prison and somehow they manage to make it seem endearing.  Nick is learning Spanish, he's using his time in prison wisely.  I hope his Spanish accent is better than his "Southern" one.  We don't talk like that! 

Now he's learning origami.

He just wrote a letter to "his hummingbird" to say he's getting out of prison and coming home "forevuh".  No, seriously, I live in the South, and we don't talk like Foghorn Leghorn!

He has a heartwarming conversation with his cell mate.  I guess it was supposed to be heartwarming.  I've been too busy staring at Nick Cage's homeless man hair to really make an informed decision.

The prisoners who are being transferred via airplane.  There is an official giving a speech and he is saying how the plane is going to be transporting the worst of the worst, in his words.  Oh dear.  The plane is called The Jailbird. Hee.

Oh hell here comes the violent offender bus.  They're putting an undercover policeman on the plane. They want to get information from a prisoner onboard.  Man they've got a lot of manpower to transport these prisoners. 

15 minutes in, here is Malkovich.  Cyrus the Virus is a jerk.  But so good looking.  Kidnapping, murder, spending half your life in prison, being criminally insane?  Well...nobody's perfect. 

Dave Chappelle is in this?  Awesome.

Nick Cage comes off the bus and onto the plane looking like Jesus Christ.  The cop took the picture of his daughter and was quite rude about it.  I'm not sure he should have done that.

This is the 2nd time I have tried to post this and had my post lost beyond the point of that last line.   I will simply say that loading a ton of dangerous criminals onto an airplane where the police are not armed and are also monumentally stupid,  is not really a good idea.   They all get free, and predictably things do not end well for many of the characters.

Malkovich was great in his role.  While I prefer him as "nicer" characters,  I do think he does criminal mastermind/angry/detached/aloof really well.  He can do anything though.

Steve Buscemi as the offbrand Hannibal Lecter was very off putting.  Buscemi is scary anyway.  He is the stuff of nightmares.  The scene of him with the little kid freaked me out. 

Honestly I kind of liked parts of this movie the 2nd time around.  Is it cinematic masterpiece?  Hell no.  Is it thought-provoking?  No.   But it had some funny parts,  and um,  Malkovich.

Also the way Nick Cage's character pronounces the word bunny is entertaining.  "Bunneh"  - And it must be said,  that bunny had some good scenes.  He was pretty much my favorite character.